If I could only…

If he could only love me

I’d be happy

If he could only need me

I’d be happy

If he could only give me attention 

I’d be happy

If he could choose me first always

I’d be happy 

If he could let me

I’d be happy

If he…

If he…

If he…

I became sick

Couldn’t get out of bed

Never wanted to see sun rise

Wanted to hold him accountable 

Wanted him to fill a void

Truth was…

I was the enemy, I needed to escape

Because I wasn’t woman enough, to fall in love with myself

I thought if I blamed him

My worries, would fade

But when he left and the dust settled

I had no choice

I had to face Me

Beauty sleep

I was never asleep

Consciously I was woke

But life had me muted

Searched for answers outside of me

You keep hitting the snooze button on me

Because all you crave,

is new panties, With the dead 

The ones who sleep walk

But I’m wide awake, and on a quest 

You’re a little in between worlds

I guess it all makes sense now 

I had a crush on your mind

But in your state, you were to blind 

You seem a little too deprived 

But I can see why

You haven’t been around me

To ignite the flame

The spark of creativity 

The new chicks probably a lame

Lacks to inspire 

She doesn’t know what you really about 

Have a seat

You should know 

My expressive energy 

And sensual vibes is where it’s really at 

Get over.

Staying out late

Trying to distract myself

Drunk tears

And sober lies 

Running in circles inside of my head 

Nothing worst 

While you’re doing just fine 

With your own little distraction

Nothing worst

Then feeling unheard

And misunderstood 

Because you had enough

Because you had your fix 

But I’m not done

But I’m not gone

And I’m not dead

I would love to thank you all for all the love and support over the last two years. I am happy to share that I have published my very own poetry book. Please pass along the link. https://www.createspace.com/6918864

The writings on the wall. 

I was addicted 

Was it you 

Or was it the pain 

I wanted more 

I knew that if I wanted to

I could easily move on

But I stayed still

Refused to leave this place 

And drowned in my own tears


By my own heart

Stared with a blank look

At this wall

These fucking walls 

The writings haunt me 


She screams at me in agony 

Reaches out her hand for me

And I let her fall on her face 

I had to…

She would later understand

Laid facedown on the cold ground

All I could do was stare 

I couldn’t help her up

48hours we stood in this room

Cursed my name

I was in her corner 

But she saw me as the enemy  

Looked in the mirror 

Pounded her chest 

To see what hurt more 

Her fist or the pain 

I never took my eyes off of her

I simply waited 

Tantrum after tantrum 

Hour after hour 

For a little while 

She took to a corner 

Rocked back and forward 

Started to worry me 

It was little past 6am

When she wiped the tears 

Looked over at me 

I knew she was ready

Walk toward me 

took my hand 

We never spoke a word

We never looked back 

Ruby Rose 

My motive 
Keep me near and dear 

Better thoughts 

Better days 

I bask in this smile

Let down my hair

Let down my guards

It was me

It was I all along

Twinkle twinkle little star 

How I wonder 

what you’d give me if I’d only let go

Up above the world so high

Like a diamond in the sky

Is where I hold you 

Twinkle twinkle little star 

Treat her like a queen….

Even though she doesn’t realize she is one yet…

The other side. 

Talking to a friend today, I shared a story. I have only shared this story with a couple of people and today I realized many people could benefit from it.
Here it goes…true story guys lol 
Many years ago, I felt like everything was impossible, that no matter what I did I wasn’t worthy of even the simplest things. I dealt with the end of my marriage, heart ache, feeling lost and worst of all spent time in a hospital for depression. But I pushed forward and last year when the New Year hit I told myself it would be the year I took myself on vacation did something I thought was impossible, I spent most of my time on the beach taking it all in, never in my life did I feel so overwhelmingly joyful, I had moments where I would be driving and I would start sobbing because I could finally tell myself I made it to the other side of so much heart ache and I did something for me. On the last day as I was leaving the beach I saw a small rock picked it up and brought it home with me. 

Two weeks later I had a client who was about to go on vacation to a resort she was at a year before, but the year before she spent her time crying during her whole vacation her husband had MS, she was diagnosed with breast cancer, didnt know if she would survive and started chemo as soon as she got home from that vacation. Well here she was a year later cancer free, about to go on her vacation, to the same resort. I pulled out my rock and gave it to her, when she came back she gave me a little pouch with rocks and sea shells from the beach. I realized the rock and sea shells we exchanged were a symbol for the other side, it was the side we both thought we’d never see. 
When I’m going through a difficult time I stare at those sea shells, they remind me that it only gets better.

Sweetest sin.

I can’t help but smile, when I see your face

Something inside of me lights up, it’s hard to escape it

Ever so far, ever so near

I’m not sure how 

I’m not sure when

But I know this will align

I can’t help but only want you 

As you sit there, Sooo nonchalant 

Too damn cool for school 

Too damn cool for me

But I don’t buy that shit 

Not for one split second 

There’s no way you’d be blind enough

To take my kindness for granted 

And mistake it for weakness

I heard you like art, so I know there ain’t no way you’d be able to walk away from this piece. 

Believe me I get it, it’s how I feel when I look at you. 

You crazy fool, you light up my inner being.

Till these walls come crumbling down, I’ll be your biggest fan.

Flaws and All.

On a gloomy cold Sunday…
I cuddled up with your demons…

The way they smiled at me was hypnotizing.

Got to know them better and better with every story and every laugh…

Only thing is I couldn’t tell if we shared a laugh or if I was the one getting laughed at. 

After all I was spending time with your demons… 

Later that night I found one of your skeletons trying to escape your closet.

I tried to comfort him as I sat down on this cold floor…

It was really dark in there but the more I comforted him the more the others revealed themselves.

The more they revealed themselves…

The angrier I felt.

The more disappointment I became.

They seemed scared and lost…

So I held in my grief.

Held hands with them…

Became their shoulder…

Made them feel alive…

They spoke to me about you…

But to be honest,

I was hung up on them.

And it wasn’t that I couldn’t see my worth.

Wasn’t that I couldn’t find a better you with less skeletons and fewer demons.

In fact if these chics knew what I knew, they’d  run from you.

It’s that I saw right through you.

Fell for your demons and those lonely skeletons…